"I Assure you,you're perfectly safe here nobodys following u"

Alas! wer back again starting a new rotation with loads of learning and lots of fun..aaah this is the life eh."eyes roll up"
Mmm psychiatry ,my favorite! Honestly, i was reaaaaallllly excited about this rotation i actually showed up right on time.Only the professor showed up an hr and a half later.Why didnt we leave? we cant.The evil secretary wouldnt sign ur attendance in that case and in turn u wouldnt be granted the glorious chance to pass the test by the end of the rotation, depriving u from 7 precious marks.Thats quite an important figure bearing in mind internal medicine sums up about 1000 marks in the end..nope cant miss those.
I buy time, leave class and have a quick stroll inbetween the previously mentioned parked cars,buy myself a drink and head for class.Class is a term we use to refer to a filthy area at the furthest end of the psychiatric ward, separated from it by a bed sheet used as a curtain.I then notice a party of girls standing in the hallway."The professor didnt show up, why am i not surprised" asi make my way to the ward,startled by a tense grip on my arm..

I turn around to meet eyes with a fellow student trembling amid her equally scared mates asking me softly:"are you goin inside alone?" i replied a lil bit alarmed"yes,why?" the girl asked "arent u scared ull be crossing in the middle of the loonies ward, someone might go as far as attack u" Gosh,talk about cruel.Like that stabbed me in the heart,imagine what it couldve done to the emotionally vulnerable patients,and that only reflects one sector of the society and how they regard them..wait a sec,these were med school students.One of the most drastic problems ever in my country, as well as in several other countries is the notorious misconception that u r ONLY in need of psychiatric assistance if uve totally lost it.As such, the majority of patients present in the latest of stages with very little left for us to do to help.Its sad how once again the stupid rusty and hereditary social maleducation may destroy the lives of innocent individuals ,further more drive them into more physical and emotional turmoil.If it werent for the associated reputation and incapacitating false pride, many of these tormented souls may have been seeking medical care way before theyve progressed this far.For crying out loud wer in the yr 2006 and still call patients "crazy" and make sneaky jokes about psychiatrists turning into wackos by the end of their lifelong career dealing with "these ppl".

"So delusions, a false fixed idea....hallucinations, illusions...major, bipolar depression..."lots of more symptomatology where that came from as explained by the professor."So if i were a patient for instance complaining of hearing voices,whispering in my ears, conspiring against me and stalking me all around..and the doctor tells me :i assure you, you're perfectly safe here,nobodys following u and.."swoooooosh..laughter..

"How insensitive can u guys get towards such a case.It couldve be any one of us and u as medical students are well aware that the aetiology is multifactorial and circumstancial as well!"..laughter recedes into random chuckles."Now as i was saying,its all in ur head nobodys..errr.God i must be seeing things..um where was i" his eyes drifting endlessly to and back from the filthy curtain i.e door.students choke on giggles..After a short period of agitation the doctor finally feels the impending compulsion of drawing back the curtain to calm down his anguish and with a swift yet firm gesture exclaims:"Taha whatr u doing here!"

Taha(patient in the ward): i was looking for u sir.

Doctor:u gave me quite a scare there

Taha:i didnt mean to, but now u know what its like to be followed..theyr trying to kill me those bastards.

Doc:and why would they want to do that?

Taha:they know i have superpowers, that why they struck me with that nuclear beam in my cervical vertebra.thats how i lost my memory.

Doctor:Calm down we wont let them hurt u...u may go back to ur bed now ill be arriving shortly after the lesson.

Just 2 days in psychiatry round and i feel ive realized what i want to do..this is it.Im not sure if im thinking str8,but i know i want to help people like Taha,and believe me there are plenty more.I want to be one of Gods' catalysts in this world,i just dont know if i have it in me..the patience,the talent and above all the shield which separates professional me from the rest of me.Maybe this is momentary enthusiasm..or maybe im just too naive.

A Thin Line between Love & Hate

"The lovers have a faith of their own, their only creed is love"-Rumi.Of course Rumi refers to all forms of love, the love u should be overwhelming everything and everyone with and not namely the intimate love that bonds a couple in such a sacred blessed union, marriage.

Though the amount of unconditional love one is willing to grant varies from one person to the other, the one thing we all agree upon based on the rules of simple physics is the coexistence and attraction force between the parody; positive and negative, male and female (the majority that is) black and white..and so goes the endless list of earths' most fascinating puzzles past unnoticed till we conclude it with another pair who go hand in hand..or fist to fist ...Love...and Hate.

Could the "too much of something" rule apply to Love&Hate as well?..Have u ever loved someone so intensely that the same energy that fed that spark ended up fuelling deadly flames of animosity towards the same exact person because of some act he/she may have performed either foolishly on on purpose? Bearing in mind it couldve been dropped pacificly if that person however was of less importance or occupied a much smaller space in ur being..excuses for those u dont care much about, hence: keepers..and none to those u care the most about..lose them forever with no remorse...makes very little sense to the mind and much to the heart...a wounded heart..a heart who loved dearly..who trusted..who rejoiced until its first stab; septal defect: reversal of blood flow..its payback time.

So how do we notice that red alert before it's too late and uve already joined forces with the rival forces? When does Hate suddenly surge within u? or was it already there living off wrongdoings to ur heart and flourishing discreetly?How do we kill the cancer? i should know better..we dont..we localize it..captivate it..but its still there.Thats understandable, but why is it sooo much easier for the human race to activate the 'hate" stores than those of "love'? why should we always hate our differences? hate people for being successful..then again hate them for being pathetically loserish...hate them out of spite, jealousy..etc. U love someone for being all u wished to be..then despise him for reflecting the image ull never get to see in a mirror.
We do love as well,wer not all that bad are we? we love for looks, money, success, pity, popularity, social security and how they make U feel..selfish..no..pathetic.

However it could work the other way round.U could hate someone so much that it could barely cross ur mind that u might lead a life without him being part of it.As sick as it may seem, it is true..ive seen cases

well todays post is kinda miserable..sorry about that..but the graver problem is WHEN?
when r we going to learn how to stop pickin fights with everybody and everything that moves? when will we abide by the teachings of God's guidance to us and master our stupid false pride?
time to surrender..surrender to His will not ours.

Lupus brings out the poet in her

After years of reassurance Aya still thinks one day Lupus shall strike her..and will find her doom.Lupus Erythromatosis (lupus=latin for wolf, erythema=rash) is a systemic connective tissue disease known to attack females in their childbearing period, though it may be precipitated by certain drugs, more common in dark women, and if that doesnt exclude Aya who is white(no offence lol) then the incidence that it is more common in females who have suffered spontaneous abortion might do the trick.no, shes not married..yet...;)ok, not that its impossible for her to get lupus or anything.."impossible is nothing" quotin adidas ad.But shes more likely to be going through a mild phase of the "Medical Student Syndrome"*a constellation of symptoms medical students start manifesting with throughout their years of study in medicine, briefly explained as identifying too much with the information they study and end up thinking they suffer from the same disease they are reading regardless of the long lost logic in the process..funniest one was a girl thinking she had prostate cancer loool..correction u need a brain check:P
Back to Aya, (not a medical student either hehe)who over a coffee convo was casually showin me a lump in her neck, desperate attempt to prove the Lupus theory, was rebuked by none other than myself and i dismissed it as a post fever lymph node..never to see it comin a couple of weeks later..
So she calls me up..a long distance call from the states..yep i was in shock hehehe..and slams me with the "i was diagnosed with Hodgkins lymphoma" what the..!
The funny part is that my info about Hodgkins at that moment was a tad more than that of Hodgkins himself before he discovered that disease and named it after him lol..so ( miserable music hits in the background) i take days of misery crushed by the news before i actually realize i might as well study for a change only to discover its a thank God curable disease..did i seem illiterate or what hehehe..
Nevertheless, Hodgkins is in no competition with the nasty Lupus.Aya takes poetry classes now and guess what her first poem is about..it goes a lil something like this..

Lupus Grandis et Malus

Lupus of the wood
Mysterious ally of the Sun
Let the little girl alone
Don't step her way and
Make her days a lifetime
But if by chance, by mere ugly chance
You glanced her under the brightness of your star
Leave the paleness to the desert
And the redness on her hood
For oh! When your butterflies spread their wings
And draw your traps on her face
And ay! For the pain that stings as your claws
Clasp her gaze

Lupus on her head.
Lupus on the kidneys of her skin.

You can kill her grandma, if you like,
And you can kill her too
But do so in one moment, one glance, one bite
Don't churn her with her blood
And chew her over years
And make her eyes too shallow
For her to drown in tears

The surprising part is that it is very accurately and informatively written, only one aware of all extents of the disease would portray the Lupus so vividly.U could go down in medical history for this ya Aya..bad news is, Girl UVE GOT ISSUES loooool!! i luved the poem though..helped me out in studies must admit hehehe...
Miss u mucho


p.s u should see her fairy tales;) i jsut realized shes talented when she left..could i have been the problem?( shrugs) lol

Positive Vs.Negative discrimination

Heres a tough, impending q that struck me as a result of witnessing several consecutive yet diverse events.It goes a lil something like this..Which would wound u deeper,positive or negative discrimination?
Now before u hastily answer that, take a moment to think about it.Though the answer may seem quite stark now, thinking everyone else would shoot for a unanimous :"thats an easy one negative duuuh" , u really oughta contemplate both situations..as i said its a tough one for a reason lol.Ready?...ill take that as a yes;)

Contrary to popular belief,discrimination does not only comprise the meaning borne by the word "racism"..however similar they may seem, theres still the incriminating sense of individuality differences transmitted by the word "discrimination" rendering it a "Ur problem" and not "Ur People's/or Ur Religion's/Ur Country's or any other word that symbolizes the sense of Unity's problem.Yep, my point exactly, ur on ur own tiger..up against the world waiting for u to fall apart and feel good throwing a pity regard over ur ruins.
plan:B? "wer gonna clap back wer gonna clap back " says the mighty Rule.

Close your eyes..i mean read this then close em;) and imagine urself in one of the most picturesque natural landscapes God has layed flawlessly onto this earth..mmm..austria sounds good..aahh the good old days..or were they?
U feel urself weightless...so insignificant..a tiny dot amid the impecable scenes and lily scented breeze.U capture the perfect image and close ur eyes while ur brain grasps the exquisite beauty of nature and processes it to coincide with the euphoria ur body is floating in..wow..let me take some more in..let my spirit roam free in the land of the creator..no man's land...i open my eyes..LIKE THANKS ALOT! WHTR U STARING AT? yes, im an outsider u could tell..that doesnt mean u should grab on to ur entire family and shake vulnerably hoping terrorist gurl would just suicide her ass off the cliff..funny, i wasnt even veiled then, imagine if i was.*shudders* yep, most of em have no clue.

Plenty of more where that came from, just dont want to bore u with the monotony.So gurls, ur brother tells ur mom u cant go home late from that particular party cuz hes worried about u catching a ride alone in a neighbourhood known for criminal activity..just hasnt been so active lately but hes still worried..u know he is..makes perfect sense eh?So, although he is aware that the danger risks apply to him as well, he points out its because ur a gurl..So gurl, would u call that positive or negative sexual discrimination? ill pass on that q..not that i dont c the logic of his words..im just way too proud and hard-headed:)

Thinking i could definitely fit in the southern spanish society, well at least the places who r used to a moorish face in the zone, i was quite satisfied that ppl wouldnt stare at me awkwardly, no treating me like a pest, no crap like callin me names or cuddling into eachother when i pass by..mmm interesting..
no discrimination? or more precisely no racism? ...."Cuanto se paga..."
Come again?...ah yes, that night..or should i say day..comin back 4:00 am barely holding myself up and staggering a 30 min walk back to the dorms after a long 2 day trip in andalucia i hear it.."Perdon, senorita.."
I, full of surprise yet thrilled to be asked for directions from a spaniard which somehow made me feel at home for the seconds that it lasted,stopped and looked seriously but friendlily to these fellow very innocent looking passerbys.."Cuanto se paga por favor?" says the guy on the bike (translation:how much do we pay?")
wow..i got too intergrated in the society that they actually thought my loosefit long clothes and scarf were actually sexy enough for me to be passed off as a hooker loool!mmm should we call that positive? me being attractive to perverted weirdos regardless of my cultural differences and clothes? or negative? she must be here for the money these arabs would do anything? or were they just way tooo drunk to avoid impaired vision hehe..
Lets talk positive now mm...Black guy gets the job cause hes black..not because hes more competent..theyr trying to avoid the racial debate..does that make him feel good?
Student gets higher grades cuz daddy makes a call to this buddy of his...student feels unqualified and buddy doesnt make it easier for him saying "im giving u this grade cuz im doin ur dad a favor, now u run along and tell him that". "Oh u cant have the job..ur veiled" final quotation cited in a country with islamic predominance bearing in mind the job required no public appearance or anything of the sort.Lets say u may somehow come across some foreigners, we dont want them being disturbed by the sight that associates them with islam and terrorism.mmm..
so thats enough for today..would luv to hear more stories about the matter..a burden is always lighter when carried on more than one shoulder;) adios