Today's Special:fresh new crap only 20L.E

Location:UNI duuuh..
Clincal Exam Day...
8:00 a.m..waiting in herds infront of the secretary's office carrying a bag packed with a 19th century sphygmomanometer(blood pressure measuring thingy) a thermometer, a medical hammer, a cheap stethoscope, a crumpled white coat begging for air which i somehow never got to use, except for anatomy and biochemistry classes:) and finally salt, coffee and sugar..yep u heard me:) its basicly to test the patient's neurological potency yet it urges u to stop and wonder why they wouldnt provide the examination "ingredients" instead of having at least 250 students carrying all sorts of groceries around along with the antique medical stuff.

"NUMBERS 1130 to 1150!!! MOVE IT!" ,screams the plump vicious secretary holding out a barely readable scrap paper with the numbers of the candidates..talk about human rights lol its like calling out for prisoners at lunch time..at least theyve got something to be punished for.Plumpy woman charges an extra 20 to 30 L.E "for the patients' "pourboire" ..and no we dont get to take the test over dummies, no pretence either we're talking real live patients with real diseases..we came up with the split conclusion that its much more cost-effective for both sides.

Now that phase 1 is over with, we now enter phase 2: the barn.The previously mentioned figure enters the stinky room which God knows whatever it was and wait..theres usually not enough space so u see candidates strolling around the balconies, revision notes in hand.freaking out at any stupid joke which may subtley refer to the so called exam.its sad to see how depreciation progressed to utter vandalism to this once upon a time exquisite palace donated by the owner to the government with the purpose of upraising the health care in the land..i will one day post pics of the outpatient clinics( formerly a horse stable)..interesting. uh oh im next..

Phase 3:History taking:
Me: Alsalamo 3alaykom
Patient:we 3alykom el salam doctor (yea right)
Me:Name, Age, etc......do u smoke?
Patient: No way Thank God i quit
Me:thats great, how long have u been doing without a smoke?
Patient: 3 days..or was it 2?whos counting anyway..
Me:*sighs*so what seems to be the problem here?
Patient:no problem at all..ive no idea why they got me here im feeling great (lie)
(common misconception in low educational classes that illness is a disgrace to the individual)
ill tell u what..u offer me a "tea" and ill give u all u need to know. (of course, for those of u who r non-egyptian, "tea" is a common synonym of tip)
Me: (playing along) done..so whatve u got
Patient:(in those exact words) Double mitral valve lesion, chronic bronchitis and right sided heart failure with hepatosplenomegaly..u might as well examine the chest only and i wont mention i have any abdominal problems..the questions could be quite tricky there ive seen doctors tortured before, dont worry ive got ur back..
patients in Egypt who turn to public health care are almost always very poor or have no other choice since its a free service..hence they usually dont speak english..let alone be acquainted with medical terminology..somehow i just didnt bother to ask..

So the doctor finally arrives after a copious breakfast with fellow examiners ..slowly closing in on his prey(which would be me in this context)and asks.."whatve u got"?
Me:spills out info like a 3rd year old telling on his older 5 yr old brother for doing something ridiculous..
Doctor:so howd u find out?
Me:(retarded) patient told me
patient kicks me in the shin
Me thinking: oh yeah ? no"tea" for u!
Doctor: alright, tell me all u know about hemiplegia ( totally out of the blue)
Me:*answers but distracted by patient's hysterical laughter of vengeance*
Doctor dismisses me after a couple more theoretcial totally unrelated qs and im off..gruelling experience..feeling my insides being squeezed out adn much more dismay than before the exam.

So now u see what real doctors r missin on eh;)
ciao for now